March Of The Mods
It’s a new month, after January took about thirty-four weeks to get through, February has gone in little more than thirty-four hours. It’s March, hence the title of this piece, a 1964 single from The Joe Loss Orchestra, which just about hit the top forty, their last chart hit. It is a nice fast tempo piece, which is more than can be said about our performance.
It has been a long week since the disappointing non-performance last weekend in the 3–1 defeat away at Blackpool, but it gives the players a full week to prepare after a couple of weeks with midweek fixtures crammed in.
Cambridge was our first away game of the season, and we came away with a 1–0 win courtesy of a late Ade Adeyemo goal. Since then neither of us have been ripping up trees in League One, and both of us have different managers now with Garry Monk finally getting the boot and being replaced by Neil Harris less than two weeks ago.
In total we have played them thirteen times in the league, with six wins and seven defeats and no draws at all. We have also played them in the Southern League back in the 1969–70 season, losing both, and in the Conference for a few seasons in the noughties, where we were much better against them, winning six, losing two, and drawing four, there was also a win against them in the FA Trophy during that six season run of games.
Going into the game today we are in twenty-second in the league, with Cambridge two places and three points behind us, so this is a game we absolutely have to win, and we need to improve our abysmal record in playing sides bottom of the table. We are five points from safety, but the places and points above that have been concertinaing over the last couple of weeks. But we need wins, bugger the performance, as long as we score one more than them it is all that matters at this point in the season.
In the Cambridge squad there is Sullai Kaikai, who had a brief loan sojourn with us back in 2014. In the other direction, Rushian Hepburn-Murphy, was on loan there back in 2019.
And in the pre-John Beck days, so before they were hoofing it up the league and threatening promotion to the top flight, Topps did manage to feature a couple of Cambridge players in their last set of the seventies. I knew there was one — Alan Biley but didn’t realise / remember there was a second player in the set as well — Bill Garner.
It is a gloriously sunny afternoon which should raise the spirits. Let’s hope it raises the team, and they aren’t as under the weather as I’m feeling today. It is good to see our injured quartet of players out doing light warmups before the game. Hopefully, it won’t be too long before they are fully fit and ready to make a return to playing action. (Albeit that ship of saving us may well have sailed.)
A surprise to see that Rory Feely is starting today, but it’s probably best not to be too touchy about it.
Cambridge had sold 1,2000 tickets, and the away end was filling up quickly early on. Those direct trains must have been full earlier on.
Some of the seats are cracking up more than the poor supporters sat in them in the east marquee as the season goes on.
And I’m not sure they had the most experienced of teams out on the pitch during the pre-match warm up.
Cambridge are in some strange patterned sky blue and white shirts, with sky blue shorts and socks, as if they are some kind of nineties Coventry City wannabes. And they enforce the change of ends before kick-off, which I can only hope backfires as much as us doing the same thing away at Blackpool last weekend did. Meanwhile we are in our usual all red home kit.
The whole Mansfield clan row behind us was missing. Rick was the only one to turn up as he joined at half time, only to go off to get some chips a few minutes into the game and never come back.
Almost straight from the kick-off we have an attack and a shot with Kamari Doyle trying to catch their keeper off guard with an early effort, but it drifts wide. Cambridge come back down the other end and win a corner, it is half cleared, put back in and a shot from outside the box is just wide.
It doesn’t take TAFKAL long to get “get on with it” bawled out at the Cambridge wing back, offering some hilarity early on, but as with most of the Crawley performances, it became less enthusiastic the longer the game went on.
Dion Conroy gets taken out in midfield and it brings an early yellow card for a Cambridge player. The free kick is put in and headed back out and is then crossed in by Charlie Barker, but it is easily collected by the keeper. Cambridge attack and win a corner which comes in and is headed over.
We attack down the left and Doyle plays it back to Feely whose cross becomes more of a shot and just drifts past the far post. Another left-wing attack is broken up and Cambridge counterattack and get a cross into the back post and the header is only just over.
Back to us, attacking down the right wing this time, with Armando Junior Quitirna and Barker combining, the ball comes back to Barker, and he puts a deep cross in, where only Harry Forster in is the box. He just about gets his head on it, but it loops high over the bar.
So much slow play at the back, left to right to left to right to left to right all without moving more than five yards up or down the pitch. But then Barker pings a great deep cross field ball to Forster, and he cuts inside to the edge of the box and his curling shot takes a deflection and goes out for a corner. There is a ridiculous amount of pushing, shoving, shirt pulling, and other shenanigans in the box, with the ref holding up the taking of the corner three times to go in and try and sort it out. Only for when the corner does get taken it to go straight into the arms of the keeper.
And it comes straight up the other end for a Cambridge corner. After clearing we go down the left and Tyreese John-Jules and Kamari Doyle link up, the cross is half cleared, the ball goes up in the air and Forster heads it to Rushian Hepburn-Murphy and his shot is blocked and it spins out to Doyle and his shot curls just wide.
The Cambridge keeper goes down with an injury which takes a few minutes to clear up. At the other end, their number 22 just skips through our defence like it isn’t there and JoJo Wollacott blocks the cross out for a corner. Which comes in and see Wollacott blatantly barged into, and the loose ball turned into the net. And it stands. FFS, it’s just fucking blatant, and just like Exeter the opposition are allowed to get away with it. It is 0–1.
We get an attack and win a corner, it is half cleared and pumped back in long to the far side of the area, TJJ crosses it back only for it to bounce back off him and go out for a goal kick. A corner follows soon after and it is easily cleared.
As usual most of our decent play is coming down the left wing and is through Forster. Bradley Ibrahim plays a ball through to him and Forster has a shot which is blocked for a corner. More blatant holding and pulling going on unpunished by the Cambridge defence, much like it was at the other end for their goal.
The board goes up for two added minutes, which is a piss take seeing as their keeper was down injured for three minutes, and there is plenty of time wasting going on. TJJ gets cynically taken out after the ball has gone, but the ref isn’t interested and lets Cambridge attack before the half time whistle goes with us 0–1 down.
Half time is a bit weird; the subs didn’t come out to warm up until about ten minutes into the break, and then the team were out early and well before the Cambridge players. Which hopefully means they’ve had a fucking rocket at half time. And not the ice lolly.
The first action of the half is a booking for the Cambridge number 18. It was coming, he was lucky not to get one early in the first half when he just barged Conroy over off the ball, getting a talking to, and then before half time he got another talking to, but finally he worked his way into the book. Then AJQ gets a booking for a sliding challenge after not getting a decision when being kicked by two Cambridge defenders just before that.
There is a somewhat frustrated effort from Conroy from thirty-five yards which is dragged wide left. Then we get a corner, which is taken twice, a shot is easily cleared and then their number 26 stamps on Doyle whilst he is on the floor, but miraculously no one sees anything.
We give the ball away carelessly in midfield and a Cambridge player takes a speculative shot from their own half. It looks as if it has the beating of Wollacott, but happily it just drifts wide right as he scrambled back.
There is another foul on Forster on the left wing and we get a free kick, the ball goes into the box and is cleared but the games comes to a halt with a Cambridge player down in the box and the ref pulls out a straight red for RHM. No idea what happened, but there isn’t much arguing about it. The second RHM is off the pitch though the Cambridge player is straight up and running up field with a broad smile on his face.
And almost their next attack their right winger gets past Forster and puts a low ball into the box which is swept home with nonchalant ease, and we are 0–2 down with ten men.
Which brings our first substitution, with Ibrahim being replaced by Tola Showumni, assumedly before he can talk his way into any more trouble as the ref had the look of having enough of his chirruping.
An attack is half cleared, and Barker gets to the ball first on the right wing only for the Cambridge number 26 to get what he should have had earlier for the stamp on Doyle, by getting a straight red for a studs up challenge. Barker shows remarkable restraint not to get up and lamp a couple of the Cambridge players stood over him yelling in his face and prodding him and trying to drag him to his feet. It is now ten a side. And their keeper is down again with what is obvious a tactical injury to hold up play so that Cambridge can reorganise and get a substitution on before we can take the free kick. Which we waste.
Conroy is obviously of the mind that we need to be shooting more, and has another pop from thirty-five yards, this one goes wide right. And it is time for another couple of substitutions. AJQ and Forster go off to be replaced by Ade Adeyemo and Will Swan. I can understand AJQ, who hasn’t seemed quite with it since the transfer window debacle, but replacing Forster at this stage of the game for the second week running is somewhat mind-boggling. If only the rest of them put in as much effort as he and Barker do, then perhaps we wouldn’t be in this sorry mess.
We are having plenty of possession but appear to be under the impression we are only allowed to do crab impersonations and pass the ball sideways and back again. Finally a through ball is played, Doyle finds Adeyemo in the box, but his shot hits the side netting on the wrong side of the post, so failing to repeat his effort from the away game.
Cambridge get a corner which goes straight to Wollacott without anyone attempting a rugby tackle on him, we get the ball forward and into the box, but Swan’s first touch is too heavy, and the keeper collects and feigns another injury. Liam Fraser has a pop from about thirty yards out which skids just wide. And again there is plenty of possession and crab like passing which is neither use nor fucking ornament. Doyle does get a shooting opportunity, but it hits a defender and just loops nicely to the keeper.
Time for the final substitutions, Fraser and Doyle are off with Max Alexander and Panutche Camara coming on in their places. Another ball into the Cambridge box sees another extra from Platoon bravely throw themselves to the ground to waste as much time as possible.
And there is more tippy tappy bollocks back and forth but never forward. Until Barker takes a ball and puts a deep cross in, TJJ (who for some inexplicable reason is still on the pitch) heads it, but it is deflected for a corner. The east marquee appears to be having a fire drill. Or my BO problem has taken on gargantuan status, as it is nearly deserted around us. Adeyemo has a shot, but it is blocked.
The board goes up for six added minutes. Which is fuck all in the scheme of the monumental timewasting and play acting that has gone on from the Cambridge players in the second half, and all the subs. Compare and contrast with the twelve minutes at Bolton, and it is clear that the officials are just making shit up as they go along.
A Barker cross in sees a Showumni header but it goes wide. And finally the Cambridge keeper picks up his academy award, sorry, yellow card for timewasting, only about an hour later than it should have come.
Camara has a shot from the edge of the area but slices it and it just bounces over the roof of the KRL Logistics stand for the only ball loss of the game. Cambridge break, and Anderson is trying to pull back their player in midfield, without any success, and he carries on into the box being forced wide and Barker concedes a corner, and then picks up a yellow card, which I’m assuming was for the Anderson pull back, the ref couldn’t even get that right.
There are eight minutes added time played, and even if there had been another ten after the Cambridge players had left the pitch, I doubt we could have levelled things up. The final whistle goes, and it is a 0–2 loss. To the side bottom of the table. Again. God, we are shit when playing bottom of the table. Every fucking year.
The defeat sees Cambridge leapfrog us into twenty-second, with us being saved the bottom place by virtue of Shrewsbury losing to Peterborough after they had a record equalling thirteenth second sending off. We are now six points adrift of safety, and all it seems we can do is shuffle the deckchairs on the Titanic.
Tuesday night sees us away at Lincoln City, before FSS screw up next Saturday with a stupid 12:30 kick off at home to Reading, which I’ll miss the first half of. If it is anything like today, that may well be a blessing. It goes without saying, but I will say it anyway, these games are now must win games, as every game is from here in.
From this point on, sod whatever Rob Elliot is telling you to do, just take inspiration from Forster and Barker and put your fucking heart and souls into these games.
Come on you reds.
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