Ride A White Swan

Kev Neylon
11 min readAug 31, 2024

Some nice early T. Rex for a title this time around, seeing as we have a new striker with the Swan surname, it fits nicely. Better than any of my attempts to think of something to link to today’s visitors. Although at half time it was tempting to change the name to something else. Such as Rainbow’s “I Surrender”, or Dido’s “White Flag”.

We come into today’s game after two defeats, last Saturday’s 1–0 loss against what all the other stats would tell you versus Wigan Athletic, and then Tuesday night’s 4–0 loss against Brighton & Hove Albion in the Carabao Cup, a score which flattered the Premier League opposition. It took a couple of days to come through but the confirmed away fan numbers for the game were 3,255, out highest away fan total in that competition, and fourth biggest away support ever.

However, the result and the performance have been overshadowed by the shit storm over Jay Williams’ challenge from which Brighton’s new signing Matt O’Riley had to be helped from the pitch and subsequently has led to an operation and him being expected to be out for at least two months. The post-game comments from Brighton’s manager were inflammatory at best and social media and forums have been the expected sewer of bilge and bile aimed at Williams, Crawley Town, Scott Lindsey, and lower league players in general. The tackle doesn’t look great when replayed in slow motion, but wasn’t anywhere near the attempted murder the BHA fans would have the world believe, and certainly not worthy of the death threats aimed in Williams’ direction since.

I was in the club shop, buying more shirts because I’ve got a shirt addiction, and have added the away and third kits to the collection, and so have the complete red, white, and blue for this year. Although two kits went straight back in to game names printed on them. None of the squad on them of course, but a nice custom name and number totally appropriate for me.

Whilst I was in there, I noticed they had boxes of the new club magazine behind the counter, and I managed to persuade them to let me buy a copy early. It is forty-eight pages, A4 size, decent quality paper, contains reasonable content, and there is no sign of the error strewn issues which plagued the final season of match programmes. It isn’t the same as having programmes, but I think it fills a gap quite nicely.

And as deadline day rolled around, we finally signed another striker, Will Swan from Mansfield, who hopefully won’t have to do too much ducking and diving. Today’s title was inspired by the signing. Additionally, I hope he doesn’t get fowled too often; else his goose might be cooked. (I have a hat and a cane to go with the coat I’m going to get.)

Then there was Nigerian social media reports that Nigerian Internation Benjamin Tanimu had signed for us from Tanzanian league side Singida Black Stars. That turned out to be fake news, but waking up this morning we found we had signed former Arsenal player Bradley Ibrahim from Hertha BSC on loan for the rest of the season.

Today’s visitors are Barnsley, the third former Premier League team we have played so far this season in four league games. We have played them twice before, back when we were in League One in the 2014–15 season when we did the double over them, beating them 1–0 at Oakwell, and thrashing them 5–1 at home, a high point in our relegation season. Here’s hoping we can keep the winning run against them going today.

We go into today’s game in eighth place in League One, only outside the playoff places at this very early stage in the season on goal difference. Our visitors Barnsley are one place below us in ninth two points behind. Barnsley have been in the League One playoffs for the last two seasons having been relegated from the Championship three seasons ago.

Barnsley have Max Watters likely to be playing for them. He had a remarkably successful, albeit short spell for us in the 2020–21 season where he scored 13 goals in 15 games and saw a reputed £1m transfer to Cardiff City on the back of it, but he has never recreated that goal scoring frequency.

Neither Fish nor Faal in the squad, but there are rumblings coming out that Faal and Gonzalez may be on their way out anyway due to “attitude” issues. If they want to buy that particular magazine, I think that’s entirely up to them.

New signing Will Swan was on the bench, as was fit again Harry Forster. And with Jack Roles suspended after his sending off on Tuesday night it leaves me wondering who Rick behind me is going to shouting at to shoot seeing as he can’t call out ‘Shoot Jack’.

Barnsley line up in a dirty white / pale grey kit, which looks like they left a single black sock in the industrial wash for the rest of the kit.

An early ball over the top sees former Crawley man Max Watters race onto it leaving Joy Mukena in his wake, but he pulled his shot just wide. Only for him to be subbed off with less than ten minutes of the game gone as he’d gone down with some injury in midfield. It’s worth pointing out Jay Williams was nowhere in the vicinity at the time.

Crawley really haven’t settled into the game at all. The ball is taken away from Mukena in the middle of the half and Barnsley get a shot on target which Jojo Wollacott tips around the post for a corner. That one is flapped out for a corner on the other side of the pitch. That is taken long and a free header beyond the back post is put across the keeper and into the corner of the net and we trail 0–1.

Nearly straight from the kick off Barnsley attack again and get the ball to the edge of the area and the shot comes back off the inside of the post and is cleared away. I’m not sure who this team of imposters are, but they are nervy as hell and are playing like they’ve never met each other before and aren’t used to round objects of grass beneath their feet.

We give away a needless free kick in the middle of our half which leads to another Barnsley shot on target which needs to be saved by Wollacott. Only for us to give the ball away on half way a couple of minutes later and for Barnsley to cut through us as if we were the paper tissue targets at the end of an episode of Takeshi’s Castle, and for their number nine to slot their shot into the corner of the net to make it 0–2.

It takes us until the half hour mark to win a corner on our first proper attack of the game, only for us to play it short and waste it. Perhaps there are signs of life, we get the ball into the Barnsley box and exchange passes but there is no shot and no final ball before it is cleared and it is soon back up the wrong end as far as we are concerned and Barnsley get a couple of corners in quick succession with the second one being headed just over. The goal kick doesn’t clear it for long and there is another corner soon after, which we manage to clear.

The board goes up for three added minutes at the end of the half, and Panutche Camara gives the ball away for the umpteenth time — I can only assume he was a bit confused and thought we were playing in our away kit, as he was abysmal in the first half, the worst of a bad bunch — and Barnsley work the ball into the box, Mukena sticks a leg out and the Barnsley number 8 takes the invitation and goes over it. A penalty is given, and the number 8 gets up and takes it himself putting it straight down the middle as Wollacott dives to his right and it’s 0–3.

The half time whistle can’t come soon enough for this most dismal of halves of football I’ve had the misfortune to watch Crawley play this year. When it goes the players trudge off the pitch and down the tunnel where hopefully Scott Lindsey will be extremely enthusiastic in his half time team talk.

The second half sees us make two substitutions, with Max Alexander and Cameron Bragg being taken off and replaced by returnee Harry Forster and new signing Will Swan. And we do start the half a lot brighter than we played in the first half and we win an early corner. And then a free kick on the left-hand side of the box, but it is crossed straight into the Barnsley keeper’s arms. We then win a free kick in midfield, played into the box and the cross is easily collected by the keeper.

Barnsley win a corner themselves and it is headed clear as far as a Barnsley player on the edge of the box who chests it down and volleys a shot in which is well saved by Wollacott for another corner which is headed over.

We get a free kick thirty yards out and load the box, it is floated to the rear post and the header hits the side netting. Camara gets fouled in the centre circle but somehow manages to pick up a booking in the process before we take the free kick, playing in the middle he seems to be playing a lot better than being on the right wing in the first half. Swan has started his Crawley career brightly and is getting stuck in and showing some decent touches. Rushian Hepburn-Murphy wins a corner, and Barnsley break from it and get another shot off which is well saved by Wollacott again before a sliding tackle earns a Barnsley player a yellow card.

A long clearance hits the back of a Barnsley head and goes out for a corner. It’s played short and gets eventually to Camara on the edge of the area only for his shot to be closed down and blocked, and again Barnsley break at speed and force another Wollacott save.

With quarter of an hour to go, ball number one sails out over the Eden Utilities Stand when an attempted Barnsley clearance ricochets off Forster. RHM is substituted and Ade Adeyemo comes on in his place. A couple of minutes later ball two disappears over the KRL Logistics stand from a wayward Barnsley shot.

Decent work from Swan sees the ball played through to Adeyemo in the box, and he battles against three defenders before the ball comes back out to Williams whose shot goes over the bar. We win a free kick thirty yards out just right of centre. It is floated in, punched away by the keeper, and falls to Toby Mullarkey but he is tackled, and the ball goes out for a corner. We get a cross in and a sliced clearance goes for another corner which goes straight out of play. Forster is dragged down on the right wing and somehow the free kick is given to Barnsley. We win it back and work it down the right, it comes back to Camara who swivels and shoots and the shot is easily saved as our first shot on target as we pass the end of normal time.

The added time to be played wasn’t announced. We give the ball away again in our own half only for Barnsley to pull their shot wide. There are five minutes of added time played before the final whistle goes on a very disappointing performance and a 0–3 loss.

The crowd was announced as being, 4,704 with 847 away fans. There was no sponsor’s man of the match announced, possibly because that may have been considered as taking the piss.

Barnsley’s win sees them leapfrog us in the league, moving them up two places to seventh place, as we drop to twelfth, so at least still in the top half of the table.

After today we have two weeks before our next game as next week’s away game at Burton Albion has been postponed due to their international call ups. We have call ups of our own with both Jojo Wollacott and Eddie Beach due to be playing next week. It means out next game is in a fortnight’s time where we will be playing unbeaten top of the table fellow promotees Stockport County at home. When hopefully we will have shaken off the apparent lethargy we showed today.

Come on you reds.

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Kev Neylon

Writing fiction, travel, history, sport, & music blogs. Monthly e-zine with all kinds of writing at www.onetruekev.co.uk. All pictures used are my own.