The Cabaret
A long forgotten 1983 single from the band Time UK, which only just about struggled into the lower reaches of the chart. It was their only charting single (and they only had one more single full stop). Whilst prepping for Tuesday night’s game I hadn’t seen the news or social media, and so it wasn’t until after the game that I heard about the death of the greatest band ever — The Jam — drummer Rick Buckler. Time UK was the band he formed after Paul Weller had broken The Jam up at the end of 1982. He then drifted out of music and into carpentry, before forming From The Jam, along with Bruce Foxton and Russell Hastings, but left again after a couple of years. From The Jam are still touring, but it is Bruce Foxton’s last hurrah as he is retiring this year. Before the news I was thinking about having something from Tangerine Dream for the title of this piece or following up on Tuesday night’s title with some more Northern Soul, seeing as one of the other famous seventies venues was the Blackpool Mecca. And I suppose if you wanted to find a cabaret anywhere, Blackpool is one of the most likely places. There is a campaign to download and stream The Jam’s ‘Funeral Pyre’ so that it charts in his memory. (Yes, it sounds a bit off, but it really is the greatest example of his drumming skills.) But I’ve already used a Jam song for a title this year (coincidentally in the home fixture against Blackpool), so this is the next best thing. RIP Rick.
Games are coming thick and fast, Saturday, Tuesday, Saturday, Tuesday, Saturday, but there is then a week before the next game. After a run of three home games which have seen a win and two draws. We need to be keeping that unbeaten run going (we got away with one on Tuesday really) but convert some draws into wins.
We travelled up halfway Thursday night, and the rest Friday morning to stay with my mum in Morecambe. But as we’re staying with my mum and need to deliver her from the much hated (by her) Blackpool, there will be no post-match curry, we’ll have to save that for the Sunday night when we get back to Crawley. Such hardship.
And late on Friday it was announced that we have signed free agent Louie Watson (assuming he plays for us, with a name like that there is a real danger of that becoming Louis Walsh). He has been without a club since August when he was released by Luton but has been training with us for the last couple of weeks and is another defensive midfielder.
It so happens that two of my oldest friends back from when I lived in Leicester are currently living in Blackpool, so I had squeezed in meeting up with them pre-game, only to try and upgrade that into persuading them to come and see the mighty Crawley play, but I went to get tickets from the stadium at 10:30 only for the grinning fools to gleefully say they weren’t selling on the day to away fans until !3:30, by which point they’d come to their senses and decided not to come. We were talking of away days; we were remembering an infamous away trip to see Leicester City play Grimsby Town in the early nineties. One of our other friends got arrested for bringing cans into the ground, and we had to pick him up from the police station on the way home, as the driver of the minibus went in to collect him (the only sober person there), everyone else nipped out of the minibus and relieved themselves on the police station wall.
Today’s opponents are Blackpool, and we are up in their own ‘temporary’ east stand (though it isn’t a marquee), which is supposedly being replaced this year after fifteen years in operation. Bloomfield Road has been their home since 1901, and the other three stands are named after their three most famous players, Sir Stanley Matthews, Stan Mortensen, and Jimmy Armfield.
But in my childhood Topps addled brain, the team Blackpool is synonymous with Mickey Walsh, as he was their sole representative in both the 1976–77 red backs (pictured below) and the 1977–78 orange backs. He was also in the 1978–79 set, but by then he had transferred to Everton.
We have played Blackpool three times now, twice back in the 2016–17 season, and we won 1–0 at home and had a 0–0 draw away. We managed to repeat the win at home in the first game of the season, this time 2–1 (one of only twice I’ve got the prediction correct this season), let’s hope we can better the away draw this time around. Although I did read during the week that Blackpool have managed to draw their last eight home games, and they are the division’s draw specialists with fourteen out of thirty-one games finishing level. Like us they have a different manager from that season opener, with them wheeling Steve Bruce out of retirement.
At kick off we are ten places and twelve points behind Blackpool as they sit twelfth. That is exactly the same differences as we had when we played Stevenage on the Tuesday before last. (I’m willing to go for any clutching at straws omens I can find.) They don’t have any of our former players, but Tyreese John-Jules did play for them on loan from Arsenal back in the 2021–22 season. He didn’t score for them either in his twelve appearances.
After a morning wandering around parts of Blackpool taking a few photos and bumping into other random Crawley fans in random locations, I did manage to pick up a programme, which isn’t bad for the money, not too advert heavy, and there are a few pages about Crawley, and an interesting piece about our non-league days.
Blackpool are in their traditional tangerine shirts, white shorts, and tangerine socks. Their number 3 is called Husband, but they don’t have a player called Wife in their squad, so they aren’t a husband and wife team. We are in our blue and black third kit. And Crawley have enforced the change of ends before the kick off.
Blackpool have started quicker than us, and they get an early corner, which we do manage to defend quite easily. We give the ball away in our own half (a foul was claimed but not given), and a Blackpool striker is in on goal with a one-on-one chance, but he doesn’t test JoJo Wollacott in goal as he drags the shot wide.
But it is only a temporary respite, as Blackpool attack again down the right wing and get a cross into the box and there is an unchallenged header, and it is in, and we trail 0–1. And again only a minute later, this time there is a blatant handball in midfield before the ball is played down the right, and we stop the effort at the expense of a corner.
We have an attack down the right wing, Kamari Doyle gets a cross in and it headed back out, Ben Radcliffe puts it back in and it is headed clear for a throw on the far side. It gets played into the box again but is cleared. We have some more decent possession and attack down the right, get a cross into the box again and Tyreese John-Jules heads it just wide.
At the other end there is a harmless looking shot from the Blackpool number eight, but another striker nips in behind a sleeping defence and flicks it past the waiting Wollacott to make it 0–2. We are really struggling to get into the game at all.
Blackpool have another corner, which is half cleared, the ball back in is put out for another corner which we clear and have a break, but Rushian Hepburn-Murphy takes a shot from thirty-five yards out which just dribbles wide. It is temporary respite as Blackpool have the ball in our box again and a smart turn sees their attacker in plenty of space to get a shot off, it goes through someone’s legs but fortunately out wide.
We construct an attack and get the ball down the left, Will Swan and RHM exchange passes, and Swan is into the box, and he squares it across the six-yard box and Kamari Doyle is there to stroke it in and we are back into it 1–2.
It looks like there is a clash of heads on the other side of the pitch, the Blackpool player is up quicker, but Charlie Barker is down for longer and looks a bit groggy when he gets back up. The ref is called to the sideline by the fourth official, and he comes back and shows the Blackpool player a straight red and they are down to ten men. (Apparently there was a head butt involved.) A minute later Steve Bruce picks up a booking for moaning about another decision.
Playing against ten men we are having a bit of pressure. RHM gets down the left, has two crosses in, both are cleared, Radcliffe crosses from the other side and that takes a glancing header to go out for a throw. Barker does a long throw in, but it is cleared. Barker is getting booed for every touch now, as it’s obviously his fault for the Blackpool player being a head-butting thug. It is becoming more of a pantomime than a cabaret.
The ball is played out from the back and down the left, then across to TJJ in the box only for his shot to be blocked by the keeper. We have a lot of possession, lots of passing it across the back and midfield, right up until the point where Dion Conroy gets bored and just smashes a shot from thirty-five yards out which goes over.
The board is put up for three added minutes. Enough time for Swan to get wiped out on the left wing. Which brings another booking for a Blackpool player, and the home crowd aren’t happy with the refereeing display. The free kick comes in and is cleared and the half time whistle goes with the score 1–2.
At half time I noticed this banner up on the wall above the north stand, and it reminded me of another random away trip. Back on Easter Monday 2002 I was persuaded to go to Ewood Park as an away fan to watch Southampton play Blackburn. In the away end there were twenty fans in orange Blackpool shirts. I thought to myself perhaps they have come to the wrong black town, but it turns out they had come to see Brett Ormerod play having sold him to Southampton earlier in the season.
The queue for refreshments at half time was ridiculous, not enough people for the volume of away fans, and it’s a couple of minutes into the second half before we are back to our seats, just in time to see a ball in from Radcliffe get headed onto the roof of the net by TJJ. It would appear that there has been a swap around at half time. Barker and Radcliffe have changed sides, and Harry Forster is now being busy down the left wing. Swan picks up a booking for a pull back.
The first substitution of the afternoon comes as Max Alexander departs to be replaced by Armando Junior Quitirna. Conroy slips up at halfway and gives it away to a Blackpool striker, and they are in one on one with the keeper, but fortunately he drags his shot wide.
TJJ runs with the ball from midfield and passes to Swan who cuts in and shoots, but it is easily saved. A minute later TJJ has his legs taken away in the box, but the ref isn’t interested. Blackpool break and win a corner. It is caught by Wollacott, and he rolls it out to Swan who runs past halfway before switching it over to the right to AJQ, who cuts inside and shoots, but it is well over. The AJQ gets taken out on the right wing. The free kick is headed out for a corner which comes in only for the whistle to go for a foul.
We are making hard work of this, playing against ten men. There is a lack of energy out there as if they were fed bromide in their half time cups of tea. There is plenty of possession but absolutely no penetration. Two more subs are made Radcliffe and Forster are off to be replaced by Gavan Holohan and Ade Adeyemo. Forster looks nearly as surprised as we are when he hears his name called out by the stadium announcer as he certainly wasn’t looking over at the board and expecting his number to be up.
Despite the man advantage we are still shocking at the back. A ball gets into the box, and we make a mess of challenging for it, Wollacott makes a good save, and then somehow gets across to make it a double save, and a third shot goes just wide. But that initial mess of a challenge is pulled up and the ref brings it back to give Blackpool a penalty. And although he goes the right way Wollacott can’t stop the well taken penalty from going right into the corner, and we go further behind against the ten men, 1–3.
The ball is finding its way into the Blackpool box, but there is no shot at the end of it, time after time. As you might expect from ten men, every goal kick, free kick and throw in is taking an age. We win a corner, and another. Adeyemo finds TJJ and his deflected shot is collected by the keeper, easily over the line but neither the ref or lino spot it, and we don’t get the corner. We do get one on the other side a minute later, and it is flicked on at the near post only for RHM’s header to be straight at the keeper.
We make the final two substitutions with TJJ and Doyle going off to be replaced by Rory Feely and new signing Louie Watson. They come on and the board goes up to say three minutes of added time. Which after the Bolton game is an absolute fucking piss take. Three fucking minutes, for all the time wasting, nine subs, a goal, the fannying about before the penalty. Where is the fucking consistency. Although to be fair, even if we had had another forty minutes, we still wouldn’t have really looked like scoring in the second half.
The final whistle goes to end what has been one of the most insipid halves of football I’ve seen us play all season. We lose 1–3, despite playing against ten men for sixty minutes, and letting them score whilst we had a man advantage. They weren’t even that good. We are shit at playing against ten men, there was no energy out there especially after taking Forster off.
9,231 was the attendance announced and shown on the scoreboard, I’m sure the announcer did mention how many away fans there were, but he went into mumble mode whilst doing it, so I don’t know how many poor Crawley fans had to watch that. And then after the final whistle we were shepherded out of a fire exit and down dead-end streets instead of being able to leave the way we came in. The way they treat the away fans there is a bit shit.
Results around us weren’t great, bottom of the table Cambridge United won, but they stay behind us, and with them visiting us next Saturday, we could have done without them getting a morale boosting win. Burton won, and Peterborough won, but at least Shrewsbury lost. We stay twenty-second in the table, but are now again five points from safety, and three points behind Burton. We can’t afford any more lackadaisical performances like the one today if we are going to survive. What the hell happened to the team we saw ten days ago in the games against Stevenage and Wycombe. Come back. Please.
A week to calm down now before it is home action again (next month now).
Come on you reds.
Originally published on my own website (without the pictures) at the link below.
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